What's At Your Center?

I haven't been feeling like myself for the past few months and by a "few" months I mean a little over a year and a half. It took some heartfelt prayer and "soul searching" in order to find out why I have been feeling this way lately. I had to make time to pray, seek the Lord's face, and write down everything that came to my mind afterwards to figure out what exactly happened.

I went through a season that I would refer to as my "awkward phase" where I felt as if I was "just passing by" or better yet a stranger in someone else's body. Thank God that seasons change and do not always last very long! For me, it began with putting one thing before my quiet time with God - work. A little over a year ago, I was working 10 hour shifts at another job which was physically demanding and by the time I came home from work- I was ready to crash and burn.

It was a domino effect.

Shortly after getting into the routine of working all the time, it became easier to spend the majority of my free time relaxing "just to escape" through the media before repeating the same thing the following day.

Garbage In = Garbage Out

Whatever you mediate on will become magnified!

For example, if you spend your time watching scary movies "just for fun"...don't be surprised if you find yourself wrestling with the spirit of fear.

Do not compromise your convictions for carnality.

I can only pour out as much into others that is being poured into my spirit. That is why it is important to be renewed daily through spirit-led prayer and meditating upon the Word of God! 

"Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." [Psalm 119:11]

I want God to take back full control over my life which includes my heart, calling, relationships, devotion, prayer life, and most importantly how I spend my TIME. It's so easy to get "caught up" with life- that is why it is important to set your priorities.

I realize now that:

I need to walk in forgiveness daily...

I need to show mercy to others...

I need to be moved with compassion toward others...

I need to walk in love...

• "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same...36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful." [Luke 6:32-33;36]

• "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." [Proverbs 10:12]

When I decided not to practice this for season, I learned the hard way that I can't swim upstream or against the tide and win...eventually the wave will come crashing down! In other words, I can't go against how God created me to be and still stand strong. It is like expecting a fish to survive on dry land.

I have to make time for all of my relationships- it doesn't just "happen" by itself.

This past Wednesday in class, I was reminded me of the verse [Matthew 6:21]: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." and these three things came to mind:


1) Where was your time invested? Did you spend more time investing in the kingdom of God and wherever He has placed you...storing your treasures up in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys...

• I'm reminded of the story of Martha and Mary. While Martha was distracted with much serving...her sister Mary chose to sit at the Lord's feet and He replied to Martha by telling her that Mary chose the "better portion"...to sit at Jesus' feet and listen to His teaching. [Luke 10:38-42]

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." [Psalm 90:12]

2) What did you do with the resources I gave you?

• When you are faithful in the little things such as your obedience in tithing, prayer, and devotion...God will entrust you with more. "Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord."  [Matthew 25:23] 

3) How did you use the talents you were given?

• I'm reminded of the parable of the talents. [Matthew 25:14-30] A talent is a natural God given gift or ability. In this scenario, it is used as an illustration of a monetary reward...however, we still need to use the talents and gifts that God has given us ultimately for His glory. Unlike the slothful servant, we must multiply what resources He has given us and not simply bury our gifts and talents. What He has entrusted us with is given for the edification of the saints. We will all reap what we sow!

In conclusion, I have learned where you spend the majority of your time is what matters most to you! Strategize to prioritize! 

I thank the Lord for His goodness, faithfulness, patience, kindness, forgiveness, compassion and steadfast love toward me. He never ceases to amaze me! I am still a mess in the making to reflect His image and become more like Him. I do not want to be the person whom others want me to be, but the person God designed me to be! 

In the end, I have learned not to be a people pleaser, but a God pleaser. :)

"Dying To Self"

When you are forgotten, neglected, or purposely ignored, yet you do not sting or hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer with Christ — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient and loving silence — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility…and endure it as Jesus endured it — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any clothing, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption of the will of God — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or seek after recognition, but you can truly love to be unknown — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart — THAT IS DYING TO SELF!

Disclaimer: I did not write this poem nor could I find the original author at this time.