Update: 2016

Lately I feel as if my life has been off track. I have faced calamities back to back that it is almost hard to explain. Due to this, God has been stirring something in my heart to return back to the heart of worship. Today I felt the tug on my heart to return to the way things used to be when I was set on fire for Him. It’s not an easy task. It takes time and effort. When I take an imaginary glimpse into my future, I see myself in my 30’s with children and so in love with Him. I see myself raising my babies up in the Lord to be more like Him. My sons to be mighty men of valor and my daughters’ proverbs 31 women. Being a mother is not an easy task and I’ve learned that simply by watching others around me. I want to be the best mom I can be for my children and to do better than my parents in every way imaginable. My heart aches as I long for more. I feel God drawing me back to Him again and re-establishing me in my gifts and talents. I had to take a brief break from a lot of things for almost a year and a half which set me back again because I thought I knew what was most important to me at the time. Little did I realize that God ultimately knew what I was going through and the fire that I needed to go through for all things to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. What one may view as one of the worst calamities I have gone through thus far was really a set up for greater things to come. My heart lately has been doing backflips inside my chest. I have been longing for and reminiscing on different things such as marriage, memories, and high school friends. Sometimes I wonder how different life and things would have been if ended staying in my old neighborhood in Dallas. One little change and move in faith shifted my life for the better in the right direction. I have great memories simply by going to a different High School. My heart misses student council meetings, homecoming, the few minutes to catch up in-between classes which sometimes resulted in a tardy and last but certainly not least fond memories hanging out with friends. I miss my girls. I can’t say I had any real friends when I used to live in Dallas of which I’m grateful for the abrupt move as I look back because I changed for the better. I made even more real amigos para siempre when I got in the church that my heart has been missing lately. Lastly, tonight I felt something happen in my heart which struck a nerve and made me realize that I am ready for marriage. Due to my own set of personal experiences and upbringing, I have never been in a real relationship. It has kept me, but I saw myself breaking down and crying out to God tonight because I’m ready for the next step in my life. I used to see myself as an individual that plans in advance for everything as it comes to my mind (my purse is an example of that too), but what I could not plan on is being 25 and still single wanting to mingle. It never bothered me that I did not care to be in a relationship for the past 3 years because I was pre-occupied with school, but now I realize that I cannot put things in a chronological order such as 1. Graduate college 2. Get married and 3. Have children. My dream orders of operations may shift because I have been in college for 8 years and counting. I may end up 1. Getting married, 2. Having children, and then 3. Graduating college at this point. Life does not always work out as we plan it. The Lord’s ways are above our ways and His thoughts above our thoughts. His word says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” We can always pray toward dreams, goals, and desires…but ultimately we need to put our trust in Him and know that our Heavenly Father always knows what is best.