From the Heart...

I'm sitting here, staring at a blank screen reflecting upon my life...at some of the decisions I've made, the path I've chosen to pave, and mistakes I have made along the way. Some of the choices I've made has left scares that only began to heal when I ran into the arms of a loving Heavenly Father, my Abba Father! Allowing scars to heal from past brokenness is not easy and for those who have never been brokenhearted before the struggle may be hard to understand. I have learned healing is a process that takes time of which that time lies in God's hands as the psalmist David wrote. In the process of being healed sometimes you may hurt people that care about you unintentionally . It's easy for people to turn to things that will bring a temporary "quick fix" in their life instead of allowing God to mend their broken heart. A broken and contrite spirit is one He will not despise because in His word it says: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." God is still in the healing business, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" and that is what He did for me!


As I look back at my life and reflect upon certain incidents I can recall having several "smh" [shake my head] moments when I wish I made wiser decisions. This is one of those moments for me. Lately I've been going through some fiery trials that have slowly grown and shaped me into the woman I am becoming. Instead of becoming angry and questioning God for some of the things I've had to endure, all I can do is simply raise my two hands and begin worshiping Him for who He truly is because it is not about me, but ALL about Him---that is part of dying to self. A true christian is never exempt from suffering. In fact, [Romans 5:3-4] states we should "rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."


Saints of God, all this suffering we will have to endure here on earth does not compare to the future glory we will receive! How else are we expected to grow in our faith and become more like Him in our character unless we suffer for His name sake and persevere through the trial? That is when the genuineness of our faith will prove true of which; it is impossible to please God without faith. Look at Job! I thank God for choosing an ordinary man like Paul who used to persecute Christians to write one-third of the new testament. He was no stranger to suffering or brokenness! Some people may look at the calamity in the world and question if there is a God, why He would allow some of the disasters going on in the world. Well I'm here to tell you there IS a God and ALL of us like sheep have gone astray from our shepherd. If your called to do mighty works for the Lord to glorify and lift His name on high, there is a major price to pay. Not many are willing to persevere and pay the price though. That is partially why many are called but few are chosen. 


The bible says in [Ephesians 6:12] "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." I have come to understand the reality of this piece of scripture. That is why He goes on further to instruct us in proceeding verses to put on the whole armor of God: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace as our shoes, your shield of faith, a helmet of salvation and the mighty sword of the spirit which is the word of God. There is an unseen war going on in the spiritual realm in these end times, that is why it is important to be steadfast in the word of God because those who know their God will do exploits and instruct many. (If you do not believe we are in the end times, I encourage you to listen to Irvin Baxter on youtube.) God has brought me a long way and is in the process of making me whole, but there are more miles to go in this long journey that lies ahead. I've heard the expression, "When I'm down to nothing, God is up to something!" It's true! In the midst of confusion brought on by the enemy, I have learned the importance of worship, not being ashamed to stand up for His name...and trusting in God at all times to guide, protect, and deliver me from the schemes of the enemy. No one said this journey would be easy, but it it worth the cost! :)

Identification Crisis

Upon looking at the image of a social security card one day, it sparked the thought for me to reflect upon my identity. Who am I? When this question was presented to me once, I found myself confused trying to provide an answer. That was because I did not know who my God was. In this world we have several forms of Identification from drivers licenses, social security cards, green cards and passports. These mere forms of Identification one can carry in his or her pocket may provide recognition while traveling, but do not define who we are. Often times individuals will let others define who they are without considering their biblical role and standing on God's word when it comes to their identity. I struggled with finding my identity for a while...seventeen years to be exact. That was before I found Christ and He begun to do a mighty work in me. For seventeen years I let the world and the labels of others define who I am instead of looking to the almighty God who turned this clay into a creation. Instead of looking through the eyes of man to figure out who you are, look to God."Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come."  [2 Corinthians 5:17] Since I became a new creature in Christ, I had to redefine who I am because now I took on His name (Jesus) through baptism the way a bride takes on the name of her bridegroom when she gets married. Taking on His name has caused a complete 180 degree turn in my life for the better. It has changed the way I perceive things, communicate with others, who I associate with, and even how I dress. I thank God I now know who I am because my identity lies in Him!

I was asked this question on December 19, 2009 and while diligently searching...it was answered on June 17, 2010 not too long after I experienced the baptism of the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues. 

I am a child of God
I am the daughter of the most High King
I am a future wife
I am a future mother
I am valuable
I am qualified
I am a friend of God
I am more than a conquer through Christ
I am a writer
I am compassionate
I am a leader
I am set apart
I am the head and not the tail
I am a royal priesthood
I am bought with a price
I am forgiven

God's Message to Women - Author Unkown

As I was reading the book "Desired by the King" by Ruth Rieder, I came across this lovely poem today and thought I should share. It is important that more women start to stand up and know their biblical role. Enjoy!

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. 

From one bone I fashioned you, and I choose the bone that protects man's life. I choose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped and molded you.

I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to his heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet to be under him, nor were you taken from his head to be above him. You were taken from his side to be held close as you stand beside him.

I have caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I have held your heart close to Mine. Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see or touch Me but could only feel My presence. So I fashioned in you everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me; My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection and support.

You are special because you are an extension of Me. Man represents My image- woman My emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. 

So man, treat woman well. Love and respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt Me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have placed within you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

"Dying To Self"

When you are forgotten, neglected, or purposely ignored, yet you do not sting or hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer with Christ — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient and loving silence — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility…and endure it as Jesus endured it — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any clothing, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption of the will of God — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or seek after recognition, but you can truly love to be unknown — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances — THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart — THAT IS DYING TO SELF!

Disclaimer: I did not write this poem nor could I find the original author at this time.

Are We There Yet?

When I first began my walk with the Lord, one of the biggest issues I encountered was learning to wait. It seems in our society the lack of patience is often too prevalent. This is seen in how fast paced we tend to live our lives from express checkouts to "fast food." It seems if one were told to wait for something, the reaction from several individuals would be as if they received the death sentence. I know this is an area I personally have found myself struggling in. Despite the fact, the Lord continues to remind me to wait on Him. "Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength..." [Isaiah 40:30-31]. Sometimes, it may feel more convenient to hear a simple "Yes" or "No" from the Lord instead of the painful four letter word "w-a-i-t." 

Regardless, God continues to teach me to wait for His timing in all situations. Many of us may be familiar with the story of Abraham and Sarah. Abraham was a childless ninety-nine year old man and his wife Sarah was far beyond the age of conception. Even when she heard the very news that she would bore a child, she laughed in disbelief. God told Abraham that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars and this promise was fulfilled with the birth of Isaac. Abraham had to wait on the Lord for 25 years before he saw the promise of God fulfilled in his life.


In the midst of waiting on the Lord for all His promises to be fulfilled, I have faced several trials, temptations to walk through a door the Lord did not open, and many more things. Through it all, I have learned to grow in patience through persevering through these trials and I cannot begin to count the number of times the Lord has spoken to me through His word or individuals to wait. Thank God He remains faithful even at times when we are not. God is not a man that He should lie or go back on His word! He even states: "Not one word of all the good promises that the LORD had made to the house of Israel had failed; ALL came to pass." [Joshua 21:45] I am thankful we serve a covenant keeping God. Daily as He continues to remind me of this, it has allowed me to hold onto hope and faith in the midst of trials. As you begin to grow in Christ, so does the degree in the trials you are faced with. I know once all comes to pass in His timing and not my own, the wait would have been worth it all. As my Pastor once put it, Faith and Patience are twin sisters.

My Testimony

PART 1

I didn't quite have the Paul on the road to Damascus type of conversion. There was no blinding light or vision of Jesus speaking to me, however the events leading up to my conversion experience were equally as powerful because I am now a new person transformed by the blood that was shed on Calvary!

Growing up, my family rarely attended church. In fact, the first time I ever set foot in a church service, aside from attending memorial services or wedding ceremonies, was in the sixth grade while visiting my cousin one weekend in Arlington, Texas. However, I did not start attending church regularly until my sophomore year in high school because my parents usually worked many hours in order to provide for the family. 

During my senior year, as preparations for graduation began to take place, one of my closest friends at the time surrendered his life to Christ. Soon afterwards, he began talking to me about God and going through scripture with me throughout the week. He showed me key biblical principles and the type of life a person who is saved would live. At first when he began talking to me, I found it very difficult to listen to him or what he was saying, even though he would support whatever he said with scripture. One reason for this was because I did not yet have a change of heart which comes through genuine repentance. Light (Christ) cannot dwell where there is darkness. The only friend that I had known the longest and had the most respect for was being transparent and honest with me, yet I did not want to hear the truth from him. Accepting the fact that I was still a sinner who needed a savior was hard for me. I was ready to go far away to live the college life.

     Throughout the week, after having a lot of time to think, I examined myself and realized that I had made God fit my own standards instead of living up to His because I was the one defining what exactly was "appropriate" or crossing the line. The best way to look at it is to think of little kids. They will try to find every way possible to break the rules without actually breaking it from their point of view. For example, you tell your son to stop poking his little sister. In his mind, it means I can put my finger as close to her as possible still without touching her which is the same thing we do with God. I simply thought that it was enough for me to pray, read the bible, and go to church once a week, but once again I was proven wrong. It is not by anything we can do in our own power to earn salvation or good status with God because all of our “good works” are like filthy rags before the Holy King.

 Shortly afterwards, I began to separate myself from anything and everyone in my life that was not constructive for me spiritually and I started spending more time studying the Bible, wanting to find answers to the questions I had running through my mind. The more I studied the word of God, the more I began to realize that not only was I not a true Christian or saved. Rather, I discovered how empty and depraved I felt inside the more I looked into the Bible and began to realize the consequences for the type of lifestyle I was living. It was as if a heavy burden began to build up inside my heart as I learned more about the truth.

          Later, as the week progressed,  I began to seek the Lord wholeheartedly in prayer daily until he answered me. I had a moment when I felt an indescribable and immense amount love in my heart being poured out from Him to the point I found myself crying again on several occasions. Not because I felt burdened this time, but because for the first time in my entire life; I felt so much joy, love, and peace from within. The Lord was touching my heart, healing, and revealing His unconditional love for me as His presence came upon me for the next 3 days during prayer. Being surrounded in His Holy presence, I felt so unworthy and unclean to stand before such a Holy God. I was overwhelmed by His presence because prior to that encounter and still even to this day, I have not experienced anything that compares to it. At the time, I did not know what the Baptism of the Holy Spirit was nor did I seek it. All I inquired from Him was confirmation on how to know that I am truly saved because I had "given my life to Christ" as some would call it, several times in the past. My life has turned completely around! I no longer desire, whatsoever, to do any of the things that I once did. Instead, I have new desires to know God, seek His will, and live up to His standards of which only came after my salvation. I do not want to just simply claim it, but obey God’s word and apply it in my life, an application which is easier now than it was before. 

     Through this experience, I learned peoples lifestyles and actions can reveal whether or not Jesus is a part of their life because you will know a person by their “fruit.” Although people may judge based on what they see on the external, God looks directly at the heart. I also learned how authentic salvation brings forth a changed life. For a long time, I thought that I was saved, yet I still continued to live exactly the same lifestyle, and there was no transformation that took place in my life, although I noticed the hand of God at work in my life from my youth in the midst of all my brokenness. With this new desire in my heart, I want to be a witness for Christ to others wherever I go, even if it means being an outcast. It is better to be loved by God than to be loved by the world. This experience is important to me because now I see things differently than before with open eyes. I finally understand the meaning of the lyrics: “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me; I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.” As a girl who was once lost in this world, I found my place in Christ and growing in my relationship to know Him. The Lord has delivered me from so many things: worries, past insecurities, hurt, and pain. With the unfailing love Christ had for me, He healed my broken heart and covered my wounds. He gave me new strength to overcome and endure whatever I may encounter, so He is forever to be praised. God is a healer, deliverer, comforter, protector, and provider…my Redeemer!

     It is true, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." However, not everything that may seem “truthful” is the actual truth. Only one person is “the way, the truth, and the life” and His word. Although most of the friends I once had disappeared or grew distant from me because of our different priorities, so many new Christians have come into my life recently and are helping to assist me in my growth.

Regardless, in the end, even if there’s no one left; I know God will still be there.

______________________________________________

PART 2

I  realize I am absolutely NOTHING without Jesus in my life! I wonder why it took me so long to realize that? Now, I can’t imagine not spending my day living for him in any or every way I possibly could. People have their many different interpretations of what it means to be a Christian or “Christianity”. I realize now that a lot of those interpretations are distorted, because we rationalize so much and try making the Lord fit OUR standards instead of living up to HIS and practicing what he actually teaches.

I wish I could tell all of you the things God has brought me through, and I will soon: even when I didn't realize it at the moment, as I look back at my past I know that God was guiding me, strengthening me, teaching me and protecting me throughout all those situations where I thought that he was so far away, even though at one point; I was the one running away from him, and it makes me love him even more because of his mercy. Why Jesus loves us so much I will never understand. The sad part is He died for me, and no amount of Praises or Thank-You’s in the WORLD would ever be ENOUGH for the price He paid. Because He gave His life, my life has absolutely no meaning!

I used to spend most of my time worrying about tomorrow, or the career that I will have in the future because I had no clue or much of an idea what I wanted to do for a living…or if that occupation I had would pay me enough to get me some of the frivolous things the world has to offer. I was so lost in this world and worrying about the now and letting myself become messed up in several areas instead of focusing on who should have been the most important person in my life.

I would compartmentalize God, which is, if I were to cut a slice of pie, the slice that God had was not the smallest, but certainly wasn't the biggest of which it should have been. I put several things before Him: friends, relationships, T.V, desires, and many more. I never knew who God really was, and to this day I still can't say that I truly know Him the way I want to even though I desire to seek Him in every way I can.

I know now that I had to surrender my life to Jesus…not a piece of me ALL of me and to put my total trust and faith in Him: He has complete control of all situations no matter what. I still don’t know what God’s will is for me...but I’m not the slightest bit worried as I once was because I know He is guiding me every step of the way. No other man can truly have my heart, because no other man can possibly love me as the Lord does.

My heart now sings a brand new tune. He has filled my heart with so much love, peace, and joy which continues to grow everyday to the point I want to show that same love in return to others that I meet. I found myself not too long ago just filled with an immense amount of joy in my heart that I started to cry. As tears were rolling down my face I had time to reflect and look back at something’s in my life, and I couldn't recall a single moment where I felt that much genuine happiness in my heart and it is ALL because of God.♥

*One thing I am certain, He CAN transform lives-but it all begins with genuine repentance and putting your absolute faith in Him!